Being of the foolish persuasion, I consulted
the Great Oracle Of God’s Lexicon and Encyclopaedia.
And, with tickling anticipation, I typed in my name.
Seven short letters, three space four.
I’m Feeling Lucky. Bingo.
There’s my smilin’ face.
Hey, wait just a minute.
There’s no webcam on this dusty old desktop.
Where’d you get that picture, Goo Goo Google?
Wait just another cotton pickin’ minute.
There’s my bag of chips and my Tuesday shirt.
I’m lookin’ perplexed.
The picture winks.
Woah. Shouldn’t of had those brownies.
There’s a link to click on.
It’s a .PDF file
Lee.Org.Net.Com.CLICK HERE, you boob.
It loads in a flash, ’cause I just got the handy dandy
ultimate high speed money funneling Internet.
In stylistic bold, the heading says
THESE ARE THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE
In the upper right,
page one of 24,520
Imagine my surprise.
Haha (nervous laugh).
Must be a mistake, eh?
CHAPTER ONE- BABY DAZE
I peruse in a flurry,
then scroll in a greater flurry.
Random stops, then Holy Shit.
These are not just events.
They are told
in the penmanship of my mind.
Like a lazy reader
who wants to skip to the climax,
I go to page 24,520.
The last paragraph shows me typing this,
and now I look even more perplexed.
What’s the significance of this number?
In the bottom right corner of the screen
guess what? There’s another little link.
FOR FURTHER CHAPTERS, CLICK HERE.
Of course, I do. Who wouldn’t?
It wants my credit card, bank info, every password I have ever thought up.
By this time, I am sucked in but good and I don’t care.
There you go, googly googly.
But the joke was on me.
THESE ARE NOT YET AVAILABLE.
THERE ARE APPROXIMATELY 4,675 PAGES IN THIS FILE.
ONE FOR EACH DAY OF YOUR REMAINING TIME.
Good. Now I can make plans.