The honeymoon is over

We married in the summertime
My bride, she was just twenty
We planned a little honeymoon
With fun and laughs aplenty

Did it on the cheap, we did
And brought our moldy tent
Inside of which, a Katydid
had thought it was for rent

It jumped as we unrolled it
And gave us both a fright
The wife said “can I hold it?
I’m sure it doesn’t bite”

We felt a little eeriness
Alone, in this big park
And tried to keep our cheeriness
But there were snuffles in the dark

The shambling sound of something big
A sniffing ’round the tent
It hardly seemed to snap a twig
Then, thankfully, it went

I nearly had to pee my pants
Before I’d go outside
But all there was was army ants
Going for a ride

I heard the wifey”s laughter
As she spied me through the door
But I found what I was after
And then she laughed no more

A set of muddy print marks
And big ones, if you please
The doings after it was dark
Had caused us more unease

But daylight made us cheerful
She said “let’s take a dip”
No longer were we fearful
Until I felt a nip

The air abuzz with flitting flies
(they were the Horsey type)
they bit, and were a goodly size
And we, their targets ripe

“That’s it!  We must surrender!”
I said, and packed our bags
And thought “return to sender”
These bloody scallywags

Now, going home this early
Had not been in our thoughts
While I was getting surly
The wife was hatching plots

“Put a smile upon your face!
A-golfing we will go!
I know the perfect putting place
With an after dinner show!”

So, off we went, and got a cart
She had the keys to drive
I prayed that my unsteady heart
Would make it out alive

She nearly overturned us
By driving on a hill
The beating sun had burned us
And then, she felt a chill

So finally, in the evening gloom
We got her some first aid
And booked an air conditioned room
Exhaustedly, we stayed

When morning came, we had a fight
She yelled, in her pajamas
Next time, dear, don’t be so tight
We’ll go to the Bahamas!