Hooligan Heaven

June bug down your jersey
(Never jumped so high)
A one-eyed cat
A broken bat
A stolen piece of pie

A snake it was, a garter
That made you run so fast
You tortured things
You pulled off wings
Your parents were aghast

A paper cup of doggie-doo
You put on someone’s porch
Soaked in gas
(You silly ass)
And lit it like a torch.
When they rushed to stamp it out
You hid behind a tree
Then watched them curse and jump about.
You giggled with such glee.

One time, your little brother
(An accomplice, without fail)
Cooked a rat
Then grabbed a cat
And swung it by its tail

The kitty cat survived this test
And landed on its feet.
Your brother, under house arrest,
Still thought ’twas “pretty neat”.

Incorrigible hooligans
You broke your mommy’s glasses.
When Dad found out
He gave a shout
And tanned your little asses.