The bad trip

Today, we are shopping.
I have been well for a long while now.
It was planned.
I am with you both, my dear ones.
But, since awakening, two cups of coffee ago,
I am thrown back to blocked feelings of desperation.
We are in a milieu of throngs.
I seek equilibrium.
There are smiles of kindness.
I meekly try for the same.
Some hold doors for us.
But some give snotty stares if we stop too long.
You sense disquiet in me.
As I grapple, and strive for the least embarrassment,
your own self assurance is melting down.
You require of me simple things.
Which color should I buy?
Where do you want to go for lunch?
My robotic answers and failure to smile
reflect poorly upon me.
I am selfish.
I cannot rise above it.
Please, just lead.
I will follow.