Vedge Bad

I do not like asparagus

That rooty shooty plant

And you won’t really care, I guess

About this silly rant

Its stems are pulpy, woody-like

Its tips have tiny spades

That look for all the world, to me,

Like mini hand grenades.

I’ve tried to cook it many ways

And give it proper lovin’

I’ve boiled and steamed and creamed and braised

And shrunk it in the oven.

My daddy used to buy it canned

And put it on his toast

I fancied him a true gourmand

And to my friends I’d boast

But, now that I’m a very cook

(I’ve tried each recipe)

I’ve tasted all, and by the book,

But it gives me smelly pee.

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