My body doesn’t understand my brain,
or do I have this backward?

Calcified circuits, perhaps.

Worn out paths.
Easy to go off the rails.

When eating, I bite the inside of my lower lip,
at least once a day.
The cut can’t heal, and it swells a bit,
offering a better target for next time.
Is this a consequence of something,
or a symptom of closet masochism?

Don’t “inhale” your food.
This is good advice which I do not follow.
Surely a symptom.
Storing nuts for the final winter.

I used to keep a long handled brush in the shower.
(For back scrubbing, and the relief of pesky itches.)
It was lost when we moved.
Now, I shower in an alcove of stone.
Hard, undrillable, impenetrable.
But advantageous to one with the itch.
I push up against it, and rub back and forth.
Ah, but what endorphins!
Each day, I stay a little longer.
This very morning, after the steamy session,
my wife said to me
“Why is there blood on your shirt?”

There is an expression, sometimes used to make one shut up.
“I’m going to duct tape your lips.”
For the darker side, you can see it on crime shows.
But I do it for real, every night,
so I won’t get leaks from the air mask.
Doc says “that’s just plain wrong”.
Also, I turn up the pressure.
Cardinal sin, because the sleep doc is supposed to do it
when needed.
But I found out how, and it helps to a degree.

I have never grown up, I think.
They are all ready to give up on me.

One thought on “Disobedience

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